foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
