i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
