My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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