Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
