im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
