I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
