There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
