Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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