I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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