How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
