it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
