Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
