I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
