We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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