I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
