i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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