I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
