just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize