Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize