Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
