He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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