I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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