remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
