Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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