I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
