wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
