It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
