party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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