Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
