Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
