i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize