Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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