I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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