Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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