I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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