I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
