I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
