I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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