Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
