Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
