I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
