A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
