I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
