The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
