Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
