I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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