Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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