Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize