ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
