ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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