FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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