I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
