why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
