just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
