remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
