Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Randomize
