So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
