I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize