i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
