Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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