does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
