I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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