i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
