Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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