That's intense
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
