I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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