There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
