There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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