Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
