i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
