Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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