He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
