I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it's like iHOP with fire
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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