My Higher Power is John Stamos
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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