I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
