I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Best friends brother. Beat that.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
