I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
