I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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