i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize