i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
