i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
