Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
