I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize