Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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