Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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