is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
