I bet he comes in French.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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