After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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