i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
