i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This baby is an asshole
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
