i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
