All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
