OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
His hands were made for my vagina.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
