the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i think i have two assholes
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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