the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I had to cum in my sink.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
