Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
