im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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