ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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