Do vagina's smell?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
