The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
